Evolution
by NocteNoctuam
Summary: Bella doesn't believe Edward when he tries to leave. New Moon AU.
1. Respect

Disclaimer: Twilight doesn't belong to me.

Chapter 1: Respect

_"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

My mind couldn't comprehend what he was trying to indicate. "_You… don't… want me?" _I asked unblinkingly.

"_No._"

One word shattered my very being in that moment. I looked into his cold, topaz eyes. His eyes shuttered for a moment taking in my expression. Suddenly, I gained my bearings and remembered his words - "_I will always love you Bella_..._It was impossible... to stop. Impossible. But I did. I must love you_." He waxed poetic about his love for me in so many different ways. I gazed at his form once more. Even though his eyes were shut, his body held a great deal of tension. He repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fists. I didn't believe him. I wouldn't believe him. This sudden change wasn't because he didn't love me.

"Bella - ," he started.

"No!" I shouted. He looked startled by my fierceness. "No, you can't do this, Edward. You will not do this."

He took a step forward, "Bella, I..."

I interrupted him again, "No, listen to me Edward. I know you are upset about Jasper attacking me, but please...it was an accident."

"_You're not good for me, Bella_," he murmured. His words were like lashes upon my skin. I had to stick firmly to my beliefs.

"No, Edward. I disagree. You are the one who isn't good for me," I accused. His eyes shot up to mine, and I could the see the pain reflected in them.

"Make no mistake about it. You aren't for good me Edward, but not for the reasons you might think," I stated calmly. He looked at me in confusion and hurt.

"It isn't because you are a vampire. You are a good man, but you fail to realize I don't need you to make decisions for me. I can make them myself. You don't listen to me. You don't even respect me," I declared forcefully. I could feel myself becoming angrier and angrier with each passing word.

"Of course, I respect you Bella," he shot back indignantly.

"No, you don't. If you respected me, then you wouldn't have felt the need to leave. You wouldn't feel the need to lie to me at every turn in our relationship. You and your family wouldn't have thrown me a birthday party which I clearly didn't want," I replied scathingly. He looked at me in shock clearly not expecting my reply.

"I love you, Bella. I am doing this for your own good."

"No, Edward. You are doing this for you. You are a coward."

His entire demeanor changed. He reached out towards me, but I took a step back. I didn't understand where these harsh words and anger were coming from. I couldn't remember a time where I was actually furious with Edward. I thought back to all his promises. He hadn't managed to keep a single one.

"You promised me you wouldn't leave Edward."

"As long as it was best for you..."

I became enraged at his words and screamed, "And who are you to decide what is best for me? You are not my father, so quit acting like one."

"I am your..."

I interrupted again, "You are my what? You are dumping me in the woods. You aren't my anything. You don't love me, right?"

His eyes looked away from me.

"Yes, forgive me. I have no right to interfere in your life. _It will be as if I'd never existed._"

"How could you possibly think that? Why do you doubt my feelings for you? How could I forget the thousands of times you said you loved me? How could I forget the many times you comforted me? How could I forget the scar on my wrist? How could I forget-," I argued back, but it was too much for me. My knees fell to the ground, and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I could feel him move forward. His hands reached out to touch my face.

"Don't touch me," I said coldly. "Don't you dare."

He retreated instantly. His retreat added insult to injury. He could easily listen to what I say about physical contact, but wouldn't listen when I wanted a serious discussion.

"The problem is not Jasper. The problem is you don't trust me enough to stay. You have already made your judgement. You won't listen to a word I say, so since that is the case, then you can leave Edward. Nothing I do will be enough for you. You don't even respect me enough to discuss your decision to leave with me."

"Bella, please try and understand. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want my family to hurt you."

"Too late. You have hurt me beyond belief by lying to me, by not listening to a word I am saying. Leave Edward. I think it's best if you do that. You love me enough to leave, but not enough to stay."

I dismissed him. I couldn't bear to see the expression on his face, so I lifted myself from the ground, and walked towards my home.

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**Author's Note**: I do hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Please read and review. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Italicized texts were taken from New Moon.


	2. So It Begins

Chapter 2: So It Begins

Anger was thrumming through my veins. I could feel it deep within my bones, and my hand shook with the force of it. How dare he? I slammed the front door shut behind me as I passed through it.

"Bells, are you alright?" asked Charlie gruffly.

"I am fine, Char - Dad," I replied trying to keep the anger out of my voice. He looked at me with concern, but didn't say anything.

"Well, I am going to turn in for the night. I have lots of homework to do," I lied easily.

He nodded his head, and started watching the game again. I walked up the stairs slowly thinking about our confrontation. Despite all my protests, he still hadn't listened to a word I had said.

When I reached my room, I shut the window and drew the curtains. I knelt to the floor in despair. Reality hit me then. He left. Not only had he left, but his family also left.

"We will always be there for you, Bella. We are sisters," Alice proclaimed just weeks before Jasper attacked me. I snorted at the thought now. If this was how they treated family, then she should reconsider what being a family means. Then again, what exactly did I know about having a perfect family.

I buried my hands in my hair in frustration. I could feel more tears spilling down my cheeks. In a way, I was at fault in this situation. If I had been more confident and strong-willed about what I wanted, then this wouldn't have occurred. I let him and his entire family walk all over me - Bella Barbie sessions, Rosalie's treatment of me, Edward's lack of respect. The birthday party was just a catalyst in a long chain of problems. Edward always wanted to leave, and this just gave him a "valid" excuse to do so. That particular thought cut me deeply. I held my hand against my chest and breathed deeply to prevent the sorrow and hurt that was threatening to take over me.

Exhale...inhale...exhale...inhale...

I wondered why Alice was so insistent on celebrating my birthday. She knew I hated attention and parties. Did she foresee this happening? If so, why did she not stop it? I decided I didn't want to know the implications of that notion.

I became aware that not only did Edward not respect me, but his family didn't either. No matter how many times I protested, his family decided to throw me a birthday party anyways. His family deliberately went against my wishes to fulfill their own wants and desires.

I grabbed the closest item next to me, and flung it across the room in a fit of rage. This intense anger was such a foreign feeling. I clenched my fists together in an effort to stop myself from throwing more things.

I wondered if Edward truly left after our confrontation. Thinking back to the previous days, I realized he had made his decision the night Jasper attacked me. His forceful kiss and distant behavior should have been a warning to the desperation he was feeling. The pictures we had taken together showed the severe, tense look on his face which indicated his mindset at the time. I looked up at my desk and observed it was empty save for the computer. I stood up to take a closer look. Where were the pictures? I rummaged through the desk drawers and the closet. The drawers were completely empty, and I realized the photos _and_ CDs were gone. Suddenly, his words came rushing back:

"_It will be as if I'd never existed_."

That bastard… He took away my choices. He took away everything - a family, a future, him. Instead of feeling more anger at the thought, I felt anguished. What future did I have now? My love wasn't enough to keep him or his family here. Why would he treat me like this? Why wasn't I enough? I thought about his past actions. Although I knew Edward could be overbearing and overprotective about my safety, I didn't think he was capable of leaving me at an instant. His ability to act like a martyr infuriated me.

_"As long as it was best for you_."

His behavior baffled me to no end, but I couldn't change anything about it now. His habits and mannerisms were so old-fashioned in many ways. I shot up instantly. Edward's birthday...when was Edward's birthday.

June 20, 1901.

I immediately walked back to my desk, and turned on my desktop computer, and impatiently waited for the home screen to load on the monitor. My fingers drummed on the desk in agitation.

_Ding_

Finally! It turned on, and I logged in to my desktop. I opened up a browser and typed in google in the address bar. The search engine came up and I typed: Courtship Behavior in the Victorian Era.

Over 150,000 hits were displayed on the screen. I clicked on the first link in anticipation.

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**Author's Note**: I hope you enjoyed the second chapter. Please read and review. Thanks!


	3. Research

Chapter 3: Research

_Etiquette for Victorian Men_

"_When entering a crowded streetcar, a lady should leave the door open. It is quite permissible for her to appropriate the seat of the man who gets up to close it_" - _The Cynic's Rules of Conduct, 1905_

I scrolled down a bit knowing Edward's politeness was a huge part of his upbringing. I clicked on another link about courtship in the Victorian era.

_At every gathering of Victorian society the young ladies were chaperoned by their mothers or some other married woman so that nothing improper would happen that could ruin the young lady's reputation in society. - Flirting and Courting Rituals of the Vic_

___Even if a gentleman had formerly been introduced to a lady at a ball, this did not entitle him to speak to her at any other time or place. This would be highly improper. If there was a woman he wished to grow acquainted with, he would make inquiries and find a mutual friend who would then introduce them. - Pride and Prejudice _

_____At social events, subtle flirting was acceptable. Fans, parasols and gloves conveyed messages of whether a lady was interested, or not.  
Once a gentleman was formally introduced to a lady, he could escort her home. This was done by offering her a card. She would then consider her various offers of an escort and then would give her own card to the gentleman of her choice. - Nineteenth century ; The position of women_

_______Once a lady and gentlemen began to court, they were always supervised. She was never to go alone with a gentlemen late at night, and only with parental permission in the day. If a gentleman was visiting a lady at her home, it was extremely rude to stay late. He could never call on her without prior permission and when they said goodnight, she was not allowed beyond the parlour door. The gentleman would be shown out by a servant. - Nineteenth century; The position of women _

_______If the courting progressed, the couple might advance to the front porch. Smitten couples rarely saw each other without the presence of a chaperone, and marriage proposals were frequently written. - __Passion & Purity: A Really Romantic Story_

The Victorian society seemed very restrictive, but it would explain Edward's behavior in so many ways: politeness, chivalry, teasing, lack of physical intimacy.

Edward always kept physically intimacy to innocent touches. Although I loved his affectionate caresses, I longed for more, and I blushed at my _scandalous _thoughts. Despite having a valid reason for the lack of intimacy, my insecurities ran deep. I always initiated physical intimacy, but he never once wanted to take it further with me, and I wondered if he thought there was no possibility in us being together in the future. His words of rejection always hurt me greatly. I rid those unhealthy feelings from my head for the moment and continued reading:

_Engagements lasted anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. After it was "official," the couple was permitted to be more intimate: they could hold hands in public, take walks together, take private carriage rides (but the carriage had to be open), and even spend time alone behind closed doors, as long as they were properly separated by nightfall. ______- Nineteenth century ; The position of women_

If Edward had stayed, would he have really wanted to marry me? He and I never discussed marriage, but this new information indicated he might have wanted an engagement and a marriage. Even though I was skeptical about marriage, I would have a given that notion some consideration. I thought about all our previous interactions, and realized Edward wouldn't have remained here long enough to find out. I closed the browser and sat on the bed. So many thoughts were going through my mind.

Although I obtained some explanations for his behavior, I wondered if there were more problems or insecurities Edward felt. Despite the fact that he is and has caused me immense pain, I wanted to understand more from his perspective and yearned to know the underlying reason for why he left. His excuse for leaving me did not suffice, and I couldn't bare to believe that reason. The more and more I reflected on the situation, the more and more problems I found: insecurities, miscommunication, lack of acceptance of both our natures, lack of physical intimacy...

Even though I wanted to comprehend his actions, Edward was long gone. Tears spring in eyes and I sobbed heavily. My mind was telling me that we might have been incompatible in the long-run, but my heart longed to be with Edward. My head throbbed with the many conflicting thoughts and I went to sleep fitfully.

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**Author's Note:** I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please read and review. Any feedback is most welcome. Thank you!


	4. Meeting

Chapter 4: Meeting

Beep! Beep! Beep!

I woke up with my head throbbing and reached for the alarm to hit the snooze button. Small rays of sunshine streamed through the room. I stretched and remembered the events of the previous day. I heart stuttered as I remembered Edward's words.

"Bella, get up! You are going to be late!" Charlie knocked on my door.

"I am getting up," I replied grumpily. I heard his footsteps as he walked away. I reluctantly got up to take a shower and change into presentable clothes.

_School_. Mike, Jessica, and Lauren were going to torture me with multiple questions about Edward. Just thinking about his name made my heart hurt. I held my hand against my chest in an effort to calm myself. I was going to behave with some dignity left intact. My heart constricted at the thought of Edward not being there, but then again Edward was the whole reason I was feeling like this. Instead of holding on to the pain, I held on to the intense anger. That fury and rage was the only thing keeping me sane.

* * *

I parked my truck in the lot, and looked around in the parking area. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a shiny Volvo. My heart leaped out of my chest. I hugged myself to comfort myself.

He hadn't left? Or is it him? Is it his family? Is it Alice?

I couldn't catch my breath and I started heaving. I went back inside my truck to relax. I buried my hands in my hair and breathed deeply for a few moments. Pull yourself together I thought to myself. I decided then that I have to be strong and stand up for myself to whoever is in that car. I grabbed my bag and headed to my first class.

Tick...tock...tick...tock...

The class felt like it was never ending. I kept glancing at the clock. The bell rang and I was very eager to go to Biology. My heart raced, but I walked calmly to Biology.

There he was. Edward Cullen...my ex-boyfriend. His expression was one of deep sadness and his posture was hunched. As I entered the room, his eyes immediately shot up to mine, but I looked away. My anger at him outweighed my happiness to see him.

"Mike, do you mind if I sit with you today?" I asked Mike politely. I could hear Edward sigh sadly at my question. My anger increased at his response. How dare he feel sad about this situation? Mike looked at me in surprise, but grinned widely and said, "Of course, Bella."

"Thanks Mike."

Mr. Banner walked in the classroom and began going over meiosis. I kept my head down and kept my hair draped around my face to prevent him from looking directly at me. Mr. Banner started playing a video to better explain meiosis. I pretended to take notes diligently and keep my calm facade, but my heart was beating against my chest and my palms were sweaty. My body had a visceral reaction to Edward and he could sense it. My entire being was so in tune with his.

I chanced a peak at him only to find him staring at me poignantly. His cold, topaz eyes shifted to mine.

"Bella," he breathed.

I shouldn't have looked at him. My heart ached at the thought of him being unhappy, but he shattered my heart. I ignored his call and returned to watching the video. I could hear his groan of frustration which did nothing to ease my anger or sadness.

The bell rang and I jumped in surprise. I quickly packed my things and walked to my next class.

"Bella...Bella...please," I heard him plead. I avoided his call and entered my next class.

I sat down next to Jessica. She looked at me oddly.

"Is there something wrong with you and Edward?" she asked almost gleefully. I wouldn't give her any fodder for gossip. I though about my resolution to be more strong-willed and confident and replied, "It is none of your business, Jessica."

"No need to get touchy with me Bella."

I bit my tongue before I could insult her scathingly. Class droned on and on, I was eager to go home. The day had been quite taxing.

"That's all for today," my Spanish teacher announced. The day was finally over. I walked over to my truck and tried to open the door, but the door was jammed. I grumbled at it in annoyance. In my irritation, I hit the door repeatedly. Could my day get any worse?

"Bella, let me help you. I can give you ride home," responded Edward.

Yes, my day could get worse. I thought about what I read about the Victorian era and realized Edward felt better about himself by giving me help. My research explained and gave me a new perspective about his behavior. That behavior has been ingrained in his head for a century, but I was so angry and hurt by his actions. I didn't want to accept his offer.

"Bella? Please don't ignore me."

"Like you do with me?" I replied with hostility. He fell silent at my words and he tilted his head apologetically.

"We need to talk," he murmured despondently.

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**Author's Note:** I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please read and review. I would love to know your thoughts about the chapter. Thanks!


	5. Discussion

Chapter 5: Discussion

"Okay, let's talk," I responded with hostility. He sighed at my hateful tone. I finally had enough of his self-loathing behavior, and began walking in the opposite direction.

"Bella, please...," he pleaded. I could feel myself weaken at the tone of his voice.

"Are you coming or not?" I asked him, putting my hands around me as if that would provide me protection.

"Why do you keep hugging yourself, Bella?" he murmured softly. I shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. I wanted to act strong in front of him, and show him I could handle difficult situations independently.

"We can take my car to your home if you want?"

I nodded at him, and we walked to his car.

* * *

Silence descended upon us during the ride to my home. I kept glancing at him from the corner of my eye. His posture was stiff, and his hand were clenched around the wheel. I fidgeted at the end of sweater nervously. So many emotions were going through me, but I kept my silence. We pulled up near my home. I attempted to open my door only to find Edward holding the door open for me. Always the gentleman.

"Thanks," I told him out of courtesy. His face lit up at my gratitude. My heart ached at his expression. If only things weren't strained between us, I wouldn't have hesitated to hug him.

We strode into the house. I poured myself some cereal, and looked at him determinedly.

"Let's talk," I demanded.

He nodded.

"I want complete honesty Edward. I don't want to talk unless you are going to be truthful. I have had enough of your lies."

"Bella, I have never lie-," he started.

"No, Edward. An omission of the truth is a lie," I finished before he could say anything more. I was so tired of being treated like a weakling.

He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"You must understand Bella. I did this for your benefit."

I could feel the anger rising within me. "No, Edward. You did this for your own benefit."

He opened his mouth to argue, but I continued, "I don't think you thought this relationship was going to last anyways, so why tell me about your nature? You are a self-loathing creature Edward. You never wanted me to be like you. You didn't tell me anything to protect yourself from getting hurt. The more you reveal, the more integrated I become into your world, and you never wanted that. Edward, you have told me many times how I am going to get scared and leave you, but you did it before I could even fathom that thought."

Breathing heavily, I stopped for a moment. I looked at his face. His expression was one of shock.

"I can read you like a book. I don't need or want you to hide things from me. It is unfair to the both of us. I want us to be partners. I want you to love me."

His face betrayed his insecurity.

"Bella, I don't want you to become like me. You don't comprehend how difficult this life is," he told me with a loathing expression on his face.

"I don't comprehend because you don't tell me. You only tell me what you want me to know not what I actually need to know. I have pleaded with you so many times because I wanted to learn and understand your struggle, but you refuse to share any vital information with me. Your entire family does that. Alice only informs you about her visions even if they directly affect me. She doesn't tell me anything."

"Please, Bella. I am sorry."

"You make me feel so inferior. When you make decisions for me...when you keep things from me...when you don't respect my decisions...when you are being condescending towards me."

I didn't know where these words were coming from, but once I started telling him all the things that were bothering me, I couldn't stop. Tears were spilling down my cheeks. Edward came to me gently, and wiped away the tears. I pulled his hands away, and turned away from him. I couldn't bear his comfort.

"I am sorry. I truly am. I never meant to hurt you," he responded regretfully to my words.

"Yes, you did. It's exactly what you meant to do when you said you don't love or want me anymore. That was your intention all along. You made your decision long before discussing it with me," I replied hotly.

"I...," Edward seemed at a loss for words.

"You what? You thought I would come running into your arms? You thought I would forgive you? You though I would let you go without a fight?" I blurted out.

Edward buried his hands in his hair, and tugged at it forcefully.

"We have reached the main problem, Edward. You don't think I love you as much as you love me. You think because you are a vampire, you would feel for me much more strongly. Our main issue is based on the fact that you think I am not capable of truly loving you. You essentially implied I am fickle teenage girl who would leave you at the first sign of trouble, but it's not me who is doing that. It is you."

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**Author's Note**: I am sorry about the late chapter. I have had a busy week. As always, please read and review. Thanks for reading!


	6. Discussion Continued

Chapter 6: Discussion Continued

I could see his mind working, and trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why he left, but he was failing miserably. He tugged at his wild hair and breathed heavily. His eyes flickered up to me, and I could see the wonder in them. It was as though he was seeing me for the very first time. In a way, he was because I had never been so forthright and honest with him.

"You always wanted to know my unedited thoughts, Edward. Well, here they are," I confessed to him.

I could see the shock in his eyes. His chest was moving up and down rapidly.

"Breathe."

I heard the satisfaction in my voice at finally having caught him off guard. For the first time in our relationship, I held some sort of control.

"Bella, I sincerely apologize for making you feel that way," he uttered despondently.

"I have never wanted to hurt you. I want to protect from harm...from my family...from me."

His eyes flickered to mine, and I could see the regret in them, but I didn't know exactly what the precise reason for the regret was. Before I could saying anything, he continued, "I love you so much Bella that it is difficult for me to see past anything that is potentially harmful to you. I can't bear the thought of you being hurt."

His words soothed me a little bit, but I replied, "Physically. You kept me from being hurt physically. What James did to me was nothing compared to you telling me that you didn't want me."

My breath was caught in my throat. He gazed at me remorsefully, and bowed his head submissively.

"I understand that now, Bella. I should not have hurt you."

"Do you really understand? Do you realize how much pain you had caused me? Do you comprehend how much I love you?"

"I apologize. I am begging for your forgiveness."

I considered his apology, and worried about the repercussions of accepting his apology.

"Would anything really change Edward if I accept your apology? Would any of our core problems be solved? Would you be able to treat as an equal?" I asked him forcefully.

He looked at me and answered, "I don't know, Bella."

My shoulder sagged, and I realized I didn't want to be with someone who only protected me.

"No, Bella. That is not what I meant. I don't know if things will automatically become better, but I want us to try. I want us to work on our relationship."

His words comforted me, but I still held many of my reservations.

"Do you think you will be able to trust? Do you think you will see me as an equal? Do you think you will be able to let me make my own decisions?"

He looked troubled at my words and told me slowly, "I will try for you, Bella. I want to be there for you. I want to love you the way you deserved to be loved, but I realize my protective tendencies take a toll on you."

"Edward, you should try for yourself too. I think your mind will be more at peace if you stopped carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders."

His eyes were glassy, and his hand were clenched around his sides. I walked over to him, and lightly touched the side of his face. My fingers traced his cheeks and he leaned into my hand, "You don't always have to do things alone. I am here for you."

As I said those words, I realized how true they were. Even though I was extremely hurt because he tried to leave me, I realized even I contributed to the problem. I allowed him to make all the decisions.

"You are so beautiful, Bella. I hurt you, and you are comforting me," he spoke earnestly. I blushed at his sentiment.

"Edward, even though I am still angry with you, I realize I let you do this. You made all the decisions. I allowed myself to get too complacent. I understand that I have limits, but you didn't tell me anything."

I turned away from him. My heart ached at the thought of him not trusting me. He put his arms around my stomach and admitted, "I am sorry to say that I didn't think it was going to last. I struggle with the blood lust everyday Bella. I didn't want that for you."

"That's not just your decision to make. You should discuss it with me."

He thought hard for a moment and asked hopefully, "Team decisions only?"

I turned around and put my arms around his shoulders. Teamwork...such a simple answer to all of our complex problems. I looked into his eager eyes, and couldn't help but smile at his expression. His returning smile was just as brilliant. He buried his head in the crook of my neck and breathed deeply. I shivered at the intimate contact, and I stroked his back lovingly.

"Yes, Edward. Team decisions. I know it won't be easy, but I really want us to confide in one another."

He pulled his away from my neck, looked at me, and said, "I will try. I love you, Bella...with all that I am. I love you. I should have never uttered those words in the forest."

His words were apologetic and sincere. I leaned upwards, brushed my lips across his lips and whispered, "I love you too."

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**Author's Note:** I would really like to know what you think of this chapter, so please read and review! Thanks you for reading! I will try to update within a day or two.


	7. Painful Conversation

Chapter 7: Painful Conversation

I stopped myself from completely kissing Edward because I remembered the Victorian behavior articles I read online. I gazed into his eyes, and saw the confusion in them. Suddenly, we both heard a noise. I looked at him for an explanation.

"Charlie."

"Oh," I muttered and immediately let go of him. Charlie walked through the door, and his expression changed to one of surprise as he looked at Edward.

"Where is your truck, Bella?" he asked me looking at me suspiciously.

"The truck wouldn't start, so Edward gave me a ride home," I answered. Charlie nodded his head in understanding.

"Bella, isn't it time for Edward to go?" he added gruffly.

"Sir, I was just about to leave," Edward replied politely. He moved to exit the house, but I tugged at his hand. He smiled down at me and leaned his head down. I kissed him on the cheek. I could feel myself blush at my small but meaningful action.

"Good night, Bella."

I nodded, and he left the house. I turned to Charlie, and his expression was one of amusement.

"Smitten huh?" he asked gruffly. I could see his smirk beneath his mustache. I didn't dignify him with a response, and shook my head sheepishly. I walked upstairs to my room. As I entered the room, I felt fatigued. These past days were an emotional roller coaster. I shut and locked the window, and drew the curtains. I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

I woke up, and stretched my arms above my head. My shirt rode up my skin. I glanced at the mirror, and grimaced at my haystack hair. I looked around the room, and recounted the events of yesterday. A smile came to my face as I remembered Edward and our conversations. I climbed out of bed, and walked downstairs. I noticed a note pinned to the refrigerator.

_Bella,_

_I have gone fishing with Billy for the day._

_Charlie _

I had the whole house to myself. I poured some cereal into the bowl, and started munching on it. Although yesterday's conversations were needed and helpful, a feeling of insecurity remained within me. Before those negative feelings threatened to take over my entire being, I heard a knock on the door.

Looking outside the window, I saw Edward's Volvo. I bounded towards the door, and opened it to see Edward waiting on the steps.

"Bella," he breathed looking at me. I felt elated seeing Edward's happy expression. I put my arms around his neck, and hugged him tightly. I ran my fingers from his head to his lower back. Pressing my lips on his collarbone, I whispered, "Edward, how are you?"

He buried his head in my shoulder, and replied sweetly, "I am glad to see you."

He proceeded to run his fingers down my back. At his cool touch, I arched my back. Shivering, I could feel every part of Edward's cold body against mine. Without thinking, I nipped at his earlobe. He growled, and his body went rigid. His darkened eyes turned to mine, and I could see the shock and desire in them.

"Let's go inside," I told him trying to break the tension. He nodded his head. Unwinding my arms from his neck, I took his hand and lead him into the kitchen.

"What do you want to do today?" he asked me. I thought about last week, and wondered where his family was.

"Edward, where is your family?"

He turned his head shamefully, muttering, "They are still in Ithaca."

"Oh."

"Does that bother you?"

Of course it bothers me, I thought. His family left me too. The insecurities came rushing back. Communication is key, and I have to tell him the truth.

"It bothers me quite a lot, Edward. Your family left me with no consideration to how I would feel. Looking back, I know I shouldn't feel hurt or disappointed, but I am. Alice promised me she would always be there for me. Esme was a mother I never had. Emmett was the playful big brother. Your family integrated me into theirs. I feel like a used up toy."

I couldn't look at him as I said these words. I flickered up eyes up to his for a moment. His eyes were closed, and he was pinching his nose. I could immediately tell he was stressed.

"Bella, don't blame my family. I told them to leave. I...," he paused to gauge my expression. I knew I wouldn't like what I was about to hear.

"Finish what you were going to say Edward," I demanded. He took a step forward, but I shook my head, and backed away. His expression turned bleak, and he nodded his head.

"I know I have made a lot of mistakes in how I treated you Bella. Please try and be patient with me as I try to explain my reasoning," he cautioned grimly. I sighed, and motioned him to proceed.

"Over the summer, our relationship was beautiful. I couldn't imagine being without you. You were safe and happy. I hoped and wanted that feeling to remain, but I always feared for your safety, and my fears were confirmed at your birthday party."

I grabbed his hand, and lead him towards the sofa to sit down. I put my hands on his knees reassuringly, and told him to continue.

"When Jasper attacked you, my fears were realized. A member of my own family attacked you. I could not comprehend the thought. I swore to myself to always protect you, but I could not do that in a place where I thought you were safe."

He took a shuddering breath, and placed his arms around me tightly. He pressed his lips to the top of my head as if to reassure himself that I was still with him.

"I failed you as your partner," he started, but I wouldn't let him finish.

"Edward, you didn't fail. Mistakes happen," I began.

"Mistake? What a colossal mistake it was! My own brother attacked you," he growled. He flexed his fingers to relieve some of his tension.

"Edward, what is Jasper's gift?" I asked him patiently.

"His ability to ascertain and manipulate what others are feeling," he replied promptly looking confused.

"Yes, he felt what everyone in that room was feeling. He felt your blood lust Edward. You said so yourself I am your brand of heroin. Not only that, but he felt everyone else's blood lust. Imagine what you normally have to fight through, and multiply that by six. Of course, he attacked me. That is your nature," I explained. I glanced at him, and saw the shock on his face.

"If anything, I blame my own stupidity. Jasper wasn't at fault in this incident. I cut my hand, and that was that. I think you need to apologize to Jasper if you vilified him, Edward. I know you. Please don't place all the blame on Jasper," I continued hoping he would understand.

"I didn't even consider his feelings. I was too blinded by your safety. What kind of brother am I? I let my own selfishness take over my thoughts," he lamented regretfully.

"You tend to overreact, Edward. I know you have the best of intentions, but you execute them very poorly," I murmured hugging him tightly trying to provide some measure of comfort. Even though he was at fault, I hated to see him look so pained. He clasped his hands around my back. He nudged his nose against mine.

"It is one of my worst traits, Bella. I can't seem to see anything past what harms you," he sighed.

"I am starting to realize I put you on a pedestal. I shouldn't have viewed as being perfect. You aren't perfect, and I should have realized that," I asserted firmly. I was beginning to understand my part in this dilemma.

"Bella, it would be helpful if you didn't see me as a perfect man. I know I have hurt you in the past, and I will probably unintentionally hurt you in the future, but I love you more than words can express. I need to be with you, and I know you want to be with me."

"Of course I want to be with you Edward, I fought you every step of the way," I assured him bleakly. He caught the sadness in my eyes, and wiped the tears beginning to form in my eyes.

"I apologize sincerely, Bella. I...I wish I could express to you how much I regret treating you that way. I never wanted to see you hurt," he noticed the doleful expression on my face, and continued, "Physically or emotionally...I know I haven't always made that clear, but I want to try harder for you and I both. I want to be a better man and a man you deserve."

A feeling of happiness and relief washed over me, and I understood Edward was trying. I needed to also try to be a better partner for him as well. I couldn't let him treat me in certain ways, and he shouldn't let me put him on a pedestal.

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**Author's Note**: Sorry for the delay in chapters! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As always, please read and review. Thank you for reading! I wanted to convey that it isn't an easy road to forgiveness and admitting your faults. I hope I managed to do that well.


	8. Continuation

**Chapter 8: Continuation **

I moved towards him, and hugged him tightly. He kissed my cheek very gently. He brushed his lips across my cheeks and trailed down my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair. I sat across his lap, and murmured words of affection in his ear:

_I love you._

_I trust you._

_I believe in you. _

He shuddered at my words, and moved his face towards mine.

"Please kiss me, Bella."

It was the first time in our relationship where he asked me to initiate physical contact. I gently guided his face up to mine, and lowered my lips to his lips. I kissed him fervently and passionately. I sucked on his lower lip and bit down gently. Edward growled lowly at my action. I smiled to myself, and continued brushing my lips against his neck.

"Is there a problem Edward?"

"No, love. Just the woman I love torturing me with her body." His voice strained.

"I am not torturing you, Edward. I am doing as you ask, _love_," I retorted playfully, and felt inordinately pleased he found my body enticing. His hooded eyes flickered to mine, and I felt a sense of power over him. I felt giddy at the thought of reducing him to this state.

"You, my dear are trouble," he teased. I kissed his lips more forcefully this time. I wanted to feel what it was like to really kiss him. My peers talked about how much they enjoyed the act. However, I decided that I was pushing Edward to his limits as it was. Instead, I released his lips and asked, "Edward, may I touch you?"

His facial expression was one of shock. I hastened to add, "I want to get to know you...physically."

I felt myself blush at my words and continued, "I am not going to do anything you don't want me to do. I want to learn what pleases you."

I uttered the last few words softly. He gazed at me thoughtfully and nodded his head.

"Alright, Bella. Do what you wish with me."

I took off the beige sweater he wore only to find a green shirt. I ran my fingers across his arms. His eyes closed at my gentle touch. I touched his broad shoulders lightly. I continued my path down his chest. He moaned as I kissed his collarbone. I felt heady and exhilarated at his response. I placed my arms around his back, and Edward leaned into me.

"I missed you these past few days, Bella."

I realized how emotionally fragile Edward was. His reactions to my harsh words and actions were proof of that. In my head, I thought of Edward so highly. Essentially, I expected him to do no wrong which put him in a precarious position. While I understood Edward made a lot of mistakes, I facilitated those mistakes repeatedly. With shock, I realized my epiphany. We are both imperfect creatures who have and will make mistakes regardless of good intentions or not.

"I missed you, darling."

I felt myself blush at my pet name for him. He beamed at me and inquired, "Darling?"

I felt I should be honest and reveal the origin of that pet name.

"I read articles about the Victorian era after you left. In many of the online articles, the wives often call their husbands darling. You always call me your love, so I wanted to have a term of endearment for you."

He became still at my words. He remained in that positions for a few moments. He took a shuddering breath, "My mother used to refer to my father as darling. It is one of the few memories I have of them."

His tone indicated his sadness and regret of not having more time with them. I hugged him tightly and replied, "I am sorry, darling."

He blinked rapidly at my words as if he were about to cry, but he smiled sadly instead.

"It's alright, love."

I realized how little I actually knew about Edward in that moment. I knew nothing about his parents, childhood, friends...details that a girlfriend should know. That train of thought lead me to understanding that I also didn't know trivial details about Edward...shoe size, shirt size, favorite music, favorite color, his hobbies. He knew these details about my life. Disappointed in myself, I admitted, "Edward, I want to know more about you. I realize how very little I know about you."

"Bella, look at me. I didn't exactly encourage questioning, so please don't feel upset."

"May I ask you some questions now?"

"Of course, love. Anything you wish to discuss."

An influx of questions ran through my head.

"This will take a few days," I informed him seriously. He chuckled at my words and replied teasingly, "As you wish, my dear."

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Author's Note: More about Edward in the next chapter! Please read and review! Thanks!


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